There's been a warmth in the air and in my soul lately, and I can't help but feel like I've finally arrived...arrived in Busan, at my happy place in Korea, in the life that I've needed to find. It's been, as my good friend Alex called it, "springtime of the soul," and it feels so good. This is what I've been waiting for, what I think I expected to have way back in October when I physically arrived here. It's now seven and a half months from then and I don't even care that it's taken so long. This feeling was worth the wait. This is true happiness and a sense of life in its purest form--in which I am experiencing, feeling, processing everything--and a deep gratitude for having arrived at this place extends to the very core of me.
This feeling is a product of more than one thing for sure: the longest winter ever (in a literal and metaphorical sense) and its subsequent coming to an end, an open mind to the reasons for the way things are, finally learning to accept what I can't change. When I came back to Korea, I knew there was a possibility that the crap I dealt with the first time would come up again, and I wanted to know if I could handle it better if that was the case. It did, and I have. I'm still figuring out exactly what that looks like, but it feels good to know that I am able to see all the stupid stuff here as something other than ridiculous; as, instead, a chance to practice cross-cultural understanding and interpersonal relations. Don't get me wrong--there are definitely moments in which I'd really love to throw up my hands and get on a plane back to what I used to know as normal. But those are just moments now, instead of the days (or sometimes weeks) that they were last year, and they're coming fewer and farther between. And that realization proves to me that coming back here was a good choice...a realization I needed to have which makes the processing of the first several months back here settle more quickly. I know that even if I hadn't arrived at this amazing place mentally/physically/emotionally, I'd still be able to find value in the struggles of the past seven months. But I think it would have been much slower in coming. Last time, a lot of the processing I did that allowed me to find value in my experiences (both good and bad) in Seoul happened well after I'd returned to the States. Some even took until this return to Korea to occur. This time around I'm doing so much more of it while I'm here, and it's such a good feeling because I know I'm growing here, and as I do that I know that it's in more ways than I ever could have hoped.
Life isn't perfect here, of course. Nowhere is that the case, and there will always be a little bit more that we wish for. But here it's finally gotten pretty darn close. My past six weekends have been spent almost entirely on Gwangali Beach, playing volleyball with a group of awesome people, under gloriously blue skies filled with sunshine...a routine I've been waiting for since I got here in October. My first and closest friend in Busan, Carly, has returned for a second contract after being gone for six weeks. The kids have been off the wall but I haven't cared. My new good friend Candace and I have been having hilariously awesome times while settling into our beach bum routines. If the only things I could really ask for are pension and a pay stub, I think life's pretty good.
If I could bottle up this feeling and send everyone a little taste of it, I would. It's sunshine and sandy toes and warm breezes and pint-sized smiles. There is a beautiful contentment in my soul and I am happy.
So may your worries, may your worries never fall too loud
May you stay here, may you stay here
Happy in your own skin, on the ninth cloud
Oh, to every warning
where these ships had passed through, years before
Bolder now, than a brand new morning
the sun on your face, the bruise and the breaks of these careless arms
...So hold your body, hold your body strong in these winds of life
This life'll move you with every step outside...
This life'll move you as graceful as a tide
Oh it's alright it's alright
Loosen the fears that bind you, loosen the fears that bind you
-a few lines from "cloud nine" by ben howard
I'm now only four and a half months from the end of my contract, and what to do next has been on my mind a lot recently. The first two decisions I made regarding Korea (the initial choice to come, and the subsequent one to come back) were made completely on what felt right, and this one is no different. I have felt more than ever lately that Busan is where I am supposed to be right now. This place, through everything it's been for me over these past seven and a half months, has affected my perspective on myself and everything around me and has pushed me to step outside of who I thought I was into who I am becoming. And this is not where I'm going to be forever, but it's where I want to be for awhile longer. That idea scared me a bit when I came back for the second time, because I was very aware that life in Korea doesn't just flow through time like in the States, where you have a job, you have a life, and you just live it until you change things. Here, by default, is broken up into sections that you have to string together if you want to create some semblance of what used to be normal. It's a connecting process that happens on a mental and emotional level to transcend the twelve-month contracts and temporary friends, and it's something that is difficult to do. But I feel like I am finally learning how to settle into that flow; it's a good thing that I am not ready to disrupt. And so here I sit looking at a third year in Korea, completely surprised and yet, somehow, entirely not.
Despite how great things are here, I do miss you all and want to remind you that the door to my apartment is always open for overseas visitors :) Below are links to my recent photo albums; more should be coming within the next few weeks as well. Love and hugs to everyone!
Annyeong,
Heather
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2016971&id=148800130&l=6c4d383c7a
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2017288&id=148800130&l=1cc25523a4
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2017290&id=148800130&l=285b6548fb
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2017405&id=148800130&l=d9f86ffc99
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2017471&id=148800130&l=8c90d321df
