In recent weeks I have struggled quite a bit lately with Korea, with who she is and who she is to me. There are several things which have annoyed, frustrated, and offended me, and I’ve found it hard to get past these things. I think this is only natural--Korea on the surface as a lifestyle for foreign English teachers is fairly blissful; however, the things you find underneath if you’re open to understanding this culture and society are of a flavor that’s rather unsavory to a Western-bred palate. As I’ve now been here for two-plus years, during which time I’ve tried to get to know Korea and to understand this place I’m calling home, I’ve gotten to the under-layers and I’ve not liked everything I’ve seen. This has caused some anger within me, not in the least because of how said under-layers have been demonstrated repeatedly, sometimes on a daily basis. All I’ve wanted to do lately is give my director a piece of my mind, push back at every Korean who elbows me out of the way, and scream “Who ARE you people??” at the top of my lungs...this is no way to live but it’s how I’ve felt and I haven’t been able to get past it.
Then three things happened to force me into a mental shift:
1. I saw a link my friend posted to an essay called “The Awakening.” As I read through it, I felt like the author was speaking directly to me in several places, penning sentences that I need to hear now more than ever and countering every one of my angry thoughts with a “but have you thought about it this way?” Because I’ve come to feel like Korea is my home, I’ve started to take the things that bother me about it as personal offenses. This isn’t right--while I don’t understand the why of things here sometimes, I know the how of things, the way things are. I know that things are never done in what my mind considers to be a logical manner. I know that things I see as simple are very rarely seen the same way by those with whom I interact. And I know these two things to be true: that accepting these things makes life flow much more smoothly and that I can only compromise so much. The latter is the issue preceding all the others--that the longer I am here learning and getting to know what “here” is, the more I’ve had to compromise my feelings and perspective to keep the peace, with little to no compromise from what I’ve viewed as “the other side.” To view it as “the other side,” however, is not the way I want to view it. Yes, there are cultural and societal differences, but at the base we are all humans.
2. I had some ridiculously amazing times with my friends here that more than cancelled out the mess that’s been my school lately. I may not ever have gotten any compromise from my director in return for all the concessions I’ve made for her, but balance does exist. And it exists in the happiest form here, with some of the most awesome people I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting. They have truly made this a year that I won’t forget anytime soon.
3. I was reminded by a friend back home during a conversation about me coming back to Korea that “sometimes things do go well.” This is something that I’ve not been able to accept given how thoroughly cynical I’m feeling after a year under an extremely incompetent and disrespectful boss. But life’s looking up--I’ve almost officially (waiting for immi to come through with a visa for me...fingers crossed!) been hired at a school that I think will be the exact opposite of my current school in several ways. I’ll be working with two awesome guy friends and living around the corner from the school in an area that’s closer to everything I want in my life here. I’m also waiting to see if my director has paid up on the nine or so months worth of pension she owes. Two days till I hear about that. I’m trying to think positively about both of these things instead of worrying that things won’t work out. I’ve spent 11 months worrying about job issues; my last week here should be free from that kind of thing.
All that said, as I sit here--a week from being on a plane back to the States for a bit--there are a few letters I’ve been meaning to write...
Dear certain Korean hagwon directors,
I wish there was a course which you were required to take before being allowed to open an academy here, one that included the most basic of information on how to run a business and how to interact with people. So many of you are so painfully uninformed on these things and it makes it very, very hard to a) trust you as a boss and b) stay motivated to do our jobs.
Yes, we make a choice to come here, but that choice exists because you’ve created it by inviting us. We come to provide instruction as native speakers of English; that’s the cover story, anyway. We all know full well (or we learn rather quickly) that we’re really here to be a pretty face for your academy and to keep the parents happy and the money coming in. We get that, and we come here accepting it. Although there’s a huge variance in how involved we get in the culture and in society once we’re here, at the very least we come to work, do what you ask of us, and go home. Some of us go well beyond that into studying Korean, making Korean friends, and trying to understand the way things are here. Whatever our degree of involvement, however, we compromise a lot of who we are as Westerners and the way we are used to doing things in the name of avoiding tension.
We adjust to fit your culture and your hierarchical social system--we defer to ajummas and ajosshis because they’re older, we acquiesce to you as directors because you’re “right” even when you’re not...and for what? In return you often treat us like dirt, you decline to give us the smallest shred of respect, you make no effort whatsoever to understand a little bit about who we are. I’m not sure you’re aware even in the tiniest regard how many of us are turned to cynics and how many of us leave hating you (and not entirely sold on Korea as a country) due to our interactions with you. In a place where so much is different from what we know, we want our job to be the one consistent thing--the one piece of stability in our otherwise crazy lives. When it instead is the thing that causes the most stress in our lives, well, that definitely doesn’t make us very motivated. If you’d make the smallest effort to understand us, or at least show that you’re willing to try, it’d have a bigger impact than you could know. And maybe you honestly don’t realize this--I’m willing to accept that as being the case, as we often don’t realize how you work either--but foreign teachers have been coming here for years, we’re going to be here awhile longer, and there needs to be a shift in the mentality toward us if we’re all to coexist. Can we break the vicious cycle?
Dear Koreans who have understood me, stood up for me, and been a breath of fresh air from the issues I’ve encountered here this year, and everyone at home who’s supported me across 7000 miles,
Thank you. It has meant more than you can know.
Dear Busan,
당신 내 도시 이에요--사랑해요. 내가 곧 다시 올 거에요.
Dear Hadan family, Gwangali volleyball crew, and everyone in between,
You are truly fantastic people who have made my life here the best that it could be. I am so glad to have met each of you, and know that our paths will cross again in life, if not when I return in January. I have some of the best memories ever from time spent with you all this past year and wish you all the most happiness possible along whatever path you’re traveling. I love you guys.
And some links to recent photo albums before I sign off for the (temporary) last time in Korea:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2020217&id=148800130&l=0b9169e802
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2020387&id=148800130&l=b91239cde9
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2020422&id=148800130&l=15c27f8d1f
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2020423&id=148800130&l=1872f172ab
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2020541&id=148800130&l=1a30c9ab03
Chau for now,
Heather
