I have been back in Busan for three months now, a period of time that has absolutely flown by. It’s done so due not to the strange time warp that Korea tends to put on life but to feelings of rightness, happiness, and contentment.
This third time here is, so far and with no signs of potentially changing, the one I needed. It is both the one I had to have to prove to myself that it was possible to have a truly good year, and the one I wanted to have to prove to everyone who says otherwise that Korea can be more than a year taken off from “reality,” that one can make a life in every sense of that word here.
The longer I am in Korea, the more I encounter people who refer to their year (typically ‘year,’ singular) here as a break from real life or an escape from reality. It’s a blanket statement for these people, a generality that they assume is true for everyone here. The longer I am here, however, the more I come to resent that. For them, maybe it is those things. But Korea has never been that for me. All of the time I have spent here so far has been the opposite of an escape; in fact, it’s been one of the most real periods of my life in terms of the experiences I’ve had and the feelings that have come along with those. For others to refer to time here as an escape negates my time here, debases it, reduces it to little more than a long-term vacation.
When I stepped off that plane back in January, I came home. This is not my only home, but it is one of them, and it’s the most familiar home that I have right now. In many ways it felt like I’d never left; I returned to friends that are like family and a city that I know and love. This place, despite (or perhaps because of) all its eccentricities, is where I am the most comfortable in my own skin. And that’s a feeling that lasts longer than any of the temporary good feelings that a vacation brings.
Since I’ve returned I’ve been discovering what I deem to be the truest form of happiness...it is equal parts appreciation for and contentment with what you have, a desire for more, and a deep understanding of oneself.
I have so much to be grateful for in my new-old life here in Busan: a school that is finally good about contracts and that has its stuff together, some of the most amazing friends and co-workers anyone could ask for, opportunities to do things I love, and a relationship that surprised me but is the best thing to happen to me in a long time. All of these things make me truly content and happy for the first time in a while, and I am being very conscious of not taking any of them for granted.
Alongside that conscious appreciation, however, is a desire for more. I want the good in my life to continue, but I also want to keep growing and challenging myself to move forward. The last thing I want is for contentment to turn into complacency, and to avoid that I have to know myself. Korea has taught me awareness of myself and everything around me, and the working relationship between the two. I know my strengths and what I am confident about, my weaknesses and my insecurities...if I am to continue holding onto the happiness I have and to move forward, I have to understand how to play to the former and work within the parameters of the latter.
I’ve written about balance before while in Korea, as it’s been one of the most difficult things for me to achieve. Life here tends to bring a lot of ups and downs, and balance has come and gone in much the same way. But when I’ve found it, it’s been amazingly rewarding. In the past, the balance I’ve aimed for has been in how I allocate time and energy to the different areas of my life; now, I want to achieve it within myself. Being happy is fantastic, but this new, deep happiness I’m feeling is dangerous because it’s scary. I feel like it’ll break if I hold onto it as tightly as I could, or it’ll slip away if I can’t grab on. This is the best kind of fear, though--it’s the kind felt when entering new territory, when standing at the edge of something huge about to jump off. You don’t know what’s waiting in the unknown, but you want to find out. This is something to learn how to handle, to accept and let live alongside the rest of what you feel. It’s so easy to let fear get in the way of good things in our lives, but if there’s one thing Korea has taught me, it’s the importance of the journey--seeing the path we’re on and knowing that it’s always leading us to where we need to be. This happiness is no different. Everything that’s happened in my life so far has been to bring me to this point. And this, right now, it’s leading me to whatever’s next. The key to really experiencing the depth of good in my life is to understand that and remember that everything unknown I’ve entered before has only caused me to move forward.
I hope that this finds everyone as well as I’ve been...you are all in my thoughts often. Miss and love you all!
-Heather
photos from since i’ve gotten back:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2021813&id=148800130&l=c47daf382e
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2021807&id=148800130&l=a2e1f49ebd
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2021992&id=148800130&l=2030c7e132
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2021998&id=148800130&l=2b886a0a98
This third time here is, so far and with no signs of potentially changing, the one I needed. It is both the one I had to have to prove to myself that it was possible to have a truly good year, and the one I wanted to have to prove to everyone who says otherwise that Korea can be more than a year taken off from “reality,” that one can make a life in every sense of that word here.
The longer I am in Korea, the more I encounter people who refer to their year (typically ‘year,’ singular) here as a break from real life or an escape from reality. It’s a blanket statement for these people, a generality that they assume is true for everyone here. The longer I am here, however, the more I come to resent that. For them, maybe it is those things. But Korea has never been that for me. All of the time I have spent here so far has been the opposite of an escape; in fact, it’s been one of the most real periods of my life in terms of the experiences I’ve had and the feelings that have come along with those. For others to refer to time here as an escape negates my time here, debases it, reduces it to little more than a long-term vacation.
When I stepped off that plane back in January, I came home. This is not my only home, but it is one of them, and it’s the most familiar home that I have right now. In many ways it felt like I’d never left; I returned to friends that are like family and a city that I know and love. This place, despite (or perhaps because of) all its eccentricities, is where I am the most comfortable in my own skin. And that’s a feeling that lasts longer than any of the temporary good feelings that a vacation brings.
Since I’ve returned I’ve been discovering what I deem to be the truest form of happiness...it is equal parts appreciation for and contentment with what you have, a desire for more, and a deep understanding of oneself.
I have so much to be grateful for in my new-old life here in Busan: a school that is finally good about contracts and that has its stuff together, some of the most amazing friends and co-workers anyone could ask for, opportunities to do things I love, and a relationship that surprised me but is the best thing to happen to me in a long time. All of these things make me truly content and happy for the first time in a while, and I am being very conscious of not taking any of them for granted.
Alongside that conscious appreciation, however, is a desire for more. I want the good in my life to continue, but I also want to keep growing and challenging myself to move forward. The last thing I want is for contentment to turn into complacency, and to avoid that I have to know myself. Korea has taught me awareness of myself and everything around me, and the working relationship between the two. I know my strengths and what I am confident about, my weaknesses and my insecurities...if I am to continue holding onto the happiness I have and to move forward, I have to understand how to play to the former and work within the parameters of the latter.
I’ve written about balance before while in Korea, as it’s been one of the most difficult things for me to achieve. Life here tends to bring a lot of ups and downs, and balance has come and gone in much the same way. But when I’ve found it, it’s been amazingly rewarding. In the past, the balance I’ve aimed for has been in how I allocate time and energy to the different areas of my life; now, I want to achieve it within myself. Being happy is fantastic, but this new, deep happiness I’m feeling is dangerous because it’s scary. I feel like it’ll break if I hold onto it as tightly as I could, or it’ll slip away if I can’t grab on. This is the best kind of fear, though--it’s the kind felt when entering new territory, when standing at the edge of something huge about to jump off. You don’t know what’s waiting in the unknown, but you want to find out. This is something to learn how to handle, to accept and let live alongside the rest of what you feel. It’s so easy to let fear get in the way of good things in our lives, but if there’s one thing Korea has taught me, it’s the importance of the journey--seeing the path we’re on and knowing that it’s always leading us to where we need to be. This happiness is no different. Everything that’s happened in my life so far has been to bring me to this point. And this, right now, it’s leading me to whatever’s next. The key to really experiencing the depth of good in my life is to understand that and remember that everything unknown I’ve entered before has only caused me to move forward.
I hope that this finds everyone as well as I’ve been...you are all in my thoughts often. Miss and love you all!
-Heather
photos from since i’ve gotten back:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2021813&id=148800130&l=c47daf382e
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2021807&id=148800130&l=a2e1f49ebd
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2021992&id=148800130&l=2030c7e132
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2021998&id=148800130&l=2b886a0a98
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